Mountains o' things

Day Twenty-six

I once had a friend with a huge house. Her entire spare room was filled with stuff. Right as you walked in was a tall bookcase filled with books. Looking closer, the reader that I am, the books were mostly of the self-help genre. My guess is that there were several in there on cleaning, de-cluttering, and getting life in order.

As a part of my compulsive TV watching this fall, I spent quite a few hours spying in on the pitiful stories on The Hoarders a show that exploits the most horrific cases of "collecting", compulsive shopping, and emotional attachment to stuff. What an awakening for me. Underneath all the stuff I saw some seriously depressed and emotionally paralyzed souls.

I’ve had my own sick thinking about stuff - the right book, pair of shoes, or electronic gadget would be the very thing to make me feel able. The thing would make me complete. The thing would define me in others’ eyes as “smart, competent, and worthy of respect”. The thing would give me bragging rights for what a great shopper I was.

Big shot-ism, shopping as recreation, using credit cards without any thought of my ability to repay, that was me in my early years. In my twenties I even used credit cards to pay rent. Oh, the trouble I got myself in. I can't tell you how many times I'd take those cards up to the limit and spend years paying them back down. Add to that the lack of clarity I had about how much money it took to run "me." I had no idea how much I spent on groceries and I surely didn't want to know how much I spent on eating out.

It's taken me years (and lots of help, ask if you want to know more) to develop a mature relationship with money. I can happily report that I haven't used a credit card since 1996 and the only debt I have are mortgages - plural because my partner and I own two houses. The cure didn't happen overnight. It was a very gradual, and lasting change beginning with the awareness. Could the realization have begun to set in when hearing Tracy Chapman sing?


"To have a big expensive car 
Drag my furs on the ground 
And have a maid that I can tell 
To bring me anything 
Everyone will look at me with envy and with greed 
I'll revel in their attention 
And mountains 
Oh mountains o' things"


What a perfect CD that was, is.

Intentions check-in: Here's what I'm noticing, if I don't get out of bed when I first wake up I feel crappy, almost hung over. My money meeting is confirmed for tomorrow evening. All good in my house.

Tracy Chapman Tracy Chapman 1988
Money Drunk Money Sober Mark Bryan and Julia Cameron